~my typical morning reflections~

When my sweet husband awakens to his call of Fatherhood...to provide for his house, I am usually already awake with my mind (and sometimes the enemy) reminding me of various things. This thought "How can I be a better mother?" is constantly brought up to me in the wee hours of my morning, when all is quiet and still. EXCEPT my mind! It is racing around with thoughts of the things that I NEED to get accomplished today. Laundry, dishes, breakfast, lunch, dinner, school work, play time, nap time, diaper changes, snuggles, snacks, kisses, hugs, praise, correction, harvesting veggies from the garden, cleaning and processing those veggies, making sure chores get done, encouragement, devoted (undisturbed) time with my Jesus! (I try to do this first, IF no one else is awake and needing my attention)

I often wonder how my oldest is, and his sweet baby boys. Where are they? What are they eating? Are they in need of anything? I wish that I could see them every day!

I think about my 2nd born, Andrew: How he serves the Lord! How he encourages the girls to be better to me and to their daddy and how to be better servants, how to take better care of themselves. He takes time to draw with them. He takes time to correct them. He takes time to nourish their soul.
Am I training him well for that girl that is going to come along and steal his heart? Am I teaching him how to meet her needs, and how to serve her, and provide for her?

Mariah, my 3rd: She is growing up so fast! She has such a heart for the Lord, and for people. She is trying so hard to be better about her responsibilities, and be better to her sisters who are watching everything that she does. Am I cultivating a servant's heart in her? Am I showing her how to be humble before the Lord? Am I sowing seeds of thankfulness and kindness into her heart? Am I teaching her how to treat others by my actions?

Anaiah is my 4th, and she is a jewel...a diamond in the rough: She has a tendency to fit when she doesn't like something or the way things are going on her behalf. She is a workaholic and a people pleaser and I see SO much of my personality in her...and I am working, ever so diligently, to help her overcome the things that I have struggled with all of my life. I truly wish someone had taken the time to help me understand some of these things....I might be a little further down the road by now. It is ok to be a Mary! IN fact, Jesus refers to Mary as making the better choice...to sit at His precious feet and learn from Him. Am I teaching her to take her eyes off of her situations and to focus in on the MOST important thing, Jesus?

Emari, my 5th: She is ALIVE! She is HILARIOUS! She is HAPPY! She is FUN and creative! Just a look from her and you are rolling on the floor. She is also a little lazy. She is sassy. People love her, which feeds her sense of humor. Am I giving enough attention to her? AM I shaping her attitude about entertaining people for the RIGHT reasons? Am I encouraging her to encourage others, instead of pointing out their flaws? I need to teach her that she isn't ALWAYS the boss...and that everyone gets a turn leading the game.

Marowynn, sweet little Marowynn...#6: I could tell from the moment that I held her the first time, that she was a sweet, smiley and affectionate litte girl...much like I remember being when I was little. I was always wanting hugs and affirmation, much like I see that she does. She doesn't need the same discipline as the others might. A soft scold will break her tender heart all to pieces. She tries so hard to be a little mommy, always "cooking and serving" everyone. She is incredibly smart and studious. Am I encouraging her to take correction and apply it without letting it scar her for life? AM I helping her to understand you can't make everyone happy ALL of the time? Am I reminding her that being soft is a precious gift, and to not let the cold world harden her tender heart?

Eowyn..BOLD #7: From the time I went into labor 2 weeks late, and for 5 LONG, Exhausting days, I knew that this girl was going to be something! She weighed 7lbs and 7&oz....and she was #7! YES! I think this means something!!! She is so full of energy that she can't contain herself. She is intense and intelligent. She is serious and strong. This girl can PRAY!!! She prays prayers that would put grown men to shame. "Thank you, Lord, for your POWER! And, for your miracles! And help children with allergies! Help us to be thankful, and tell the angels to give You our thank you kisses!" (just a sample of how she thinks) Am I giving her an environment to blossom in? AM I showing her HOW to push through in prayer? Am I equipping her with the tools that she needs to be His Prayer Warrior?

Avenlea, My #8: What a precious little encourager this one is! She is always telling me that I am the best, and that I am so sweet, and so beautiful, and such a good mom. Am I cultivating a heart of praise in her? AM I reinforcing what comes so natural to her already? She is only 2 1/2and is so impressionable. Am I protection her from worldly influences that draw attention to one's self rather than to others?

Ivory...tender #9: What a precious little one she is! Even though she is kind of running the house at the moment, I can see that she is funny, and sweet, and affectionate. She adores her brothers and sisters, as much as they adore her. I don't know much about her personality yet, bt, I pray that the Lord will help me to see her gifts and talents and to help her grow in HIM.

NONE of these thoughts or questions make me a good mother....none of my worries, or concerns for my children MAKE ME BETTER! I struggle every single day to feel like I am doing the best job that I can with what the Lord has blessed me with. Sometimes, I have to withdraw my opinion, so that mistakes made are lessons learned. (THIS is the hard part) SOmetimes, I get that hug that lets me know that they think that I am doing the best that I can.

The enemy of our souls tries to taunt me with my past failures, and my shortcomings. Things that I have said, or haven't said when I should have. He is pretty good about reminding me of my flaws. BUT!!! Jesus has taught me that I am an overcomer, and that He loves me so much that the world would be shocked if they knew how much He adores me. (I know....He adores you just as much ;o) But, still! I have lived my whole life thinking that I was unlovable. There was NOTHING that I did, that could ever be good enough. I really didn't know what love was, and this led to several mistakes that I have made in the past.

NOW, I know what love is! Through the love of my husband, and the love that I have for my children, I FINALLY get it! The Lord revealed Himself to me through my trials and my struggles and reminded me that "NOTHING can separate me from His love" His love for me is unconditional. He never reminds me of my faults! He encourages me to be better, in every way. He reminds me that He has maid provision for me...yes...I must seek for it, but He provides it for me, whether I find it or not. I may not have a friend in the world, but, that is ok...Jesus loves me, and as long as I have Him, I have EVERYTHING!

One thing is for certain, Motherhood keeps me humble. Motherhood keeps me before the Lord! Motherhood draws attention away from self and toward others. Motherhood is hard, exhausting, joyous, painful, stretching, rewarding, and the BEST thing I could be doing with my life right now! THIS is where the Lord has me....and THIS is where I want to bring HIM glory! I am trying SO VERY HARD! <3 Michelle